If you want someone who will bring you the paper,
without first removing the sports section...

    Buy a puppy!

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him
and never says it's not quite as good as his mother's...

    Buy a puppy!

If you want someone who will always be ready to play hard,
and then eagerly sit next to you as you watch the latest movies...

    Buy a puppy!

If you want someone who will never criticize what you do, doesn't care if you are attractive or ugly, fat or thin, young or old; someone who acts as if every word you say is especially interesting, and who loves you unconditionally, perpetually...

    Buy a puppy!

If you want someone who looks hopelessly in love,
simply over the joy of seeing you...

    Buy a puppy!

If you want someone who is always willing to go wherever you want, whenever you want, and for as long as you want...

    Buy a puppy!

If you want someone who is content to crawl into bed with you
just to warm your feet, and whom you can push off for snoring...

    Buy a puppy!

On the other hand, you want someone who will never answer when you call, ignores you completely, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around at night, returns home only to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...

Get a cat!